Resolution

Okay, I've decided I won't give up. I'm going to chug along and try my best to get this crap done (school) and over with. I won't go back right away since these are my last three classes for my Associates. What I'll do is take a break. See if after a month or so I have the desire to continue then I will see what I want from there. Today I'm going to have to crank out a paper, take a couple of quizzes and finish up my readings. That ought to be fun! But hey! That's what they make ephedra for isn't it? lol

So we got our refund in and that helped A LOT! We've paid almost all the bills that we have and will have enough money to save up and enough to just blow on hats! How's that for economic stimulus!? LOL That is a big relief as money is always a problem here.

On the diet front, I got enough good carb foods to eat today so that will be wonderful :) I will get that wagon and smear something icky on it so I don't want to eat it lol. Ohkay that wasn't a good visual but I think the point is clear. I'm going to work it! I saw such a good loss those days I was good (yes most likely water but hey it was a move in the right direction lol)


That is my minor update. I won't be around much this weekend because I'm trying to get this stuff done :) Have a good one!

Typical Melissa...really....

I've lost the steam and motivation it takes to get through school. I really did have a reason once upon a time for being here. I was motivated by the idea of having a degree. Yes, I'm halfway through my last term and I should be chugging along full steam (the end is nigh, after all) but I'm finding myself lacking the energy to do my assignments.

Colin asked me some very smart and rather duh questions last night that got me thinking. (No he is not trying to sabotage me at all, he was just curious) He asked me simply this:

What will this degree do for me? What will I gain from it? What do I hope to accomplish?

I drew a blank. I used to think that a college degree would "mean" something. I would feel some kind of accomplishment at my success, but so far all I'm feeling is stress. I really used to think learning was fun. I used to LOVE cracking open a book and absorbing everything from poetry to science. I freaking used to read the dictionary to learn new words! But now, the mere thought of having another paper or another test is just too much to take. My hair is grey and I'm having panic attacks for no good reason! When did learning become less fun? Oh yeah, when I started college! Not that all my classes have sucked the life force from me, some have been swell. I really loved my Humanities classes and my grades really reflected that.

I really want to quit. I really want to chunk it and just self educate. I know it doesn't make me more "marketable" but it would be more my speed. I just hate tossing this time/money investment aside. My grades this term really are horrid and its because I just can't muster up anything resembling motivation. I really am at a loss as to what to do here. I am not really asking WHAT to do but simply for maybe a few suggestions? I know Colin would say do what I feel, and then simply state that he regrets not completing his degree and how annoying it is to avoid financial aid people the rest of his life.

I used to think that I would discover what I wanted to do with my life, after high school I was pretty much thrown into the workforce. I was told I couldn't qualify for financial aide due to my parent's income (which was most likely bull shit but oh well) and so went straight to work. Which was great, but I really had that one nagging regret (well more than just one but that was the biggest.) I just don't know what I want to do, even at 28 I have no idea what type of career I would like. I don't have a clue what I would even be good at! I'm lost, I feel like my brain is mushed up and my heart is just not into it anymore. I really am not sure where I'm going with this anymore either. I guess I'll sleep on it and try to push through? I only have like 4 more weeks left of this then I'm done.

Quick update

So just a quickie update today! Well after doing so well on my diet for three whole days (ish) I fell off the wagon..then ate the wagon. I'm trying to fix the wagon and jump back on it and get back on track. It's been hard the last few days. I spent Monday (or a good chunk of it) in the ER with Vertigo. I still don't know what is wrong with me besides the fact that I randomly seem to be getting dizzy spells and nausea. So I have meds for that now. Weee! So of course random dizziness means lack of productivity. My house is gone to pot and my schoolwork was piled up. I'm going to have to work on this now. Which is why I have that schedule down below. Hoping it will work out!

So there's my update. I'm trying to get back on track and all that lovely stuff! Wish me luck!

New Schedule?

I've decided to try something new! I hope this works so cross your fingers and hope I don't go insane!

Thursday's List (new schedule gonna give it a try)

• wake up (5:45am)

• coffee/breakfast/emails, etc

• 7am-11am-work

• (during shift) trent eats, changes clothes, makes his bed

• (during shift) trent-pbs kids/plays

• in between is first tidy up time

• 12pm-lunchtime-soup
  

• 1pm-quiet time (trent goes to his room or plays quietly in the livingroom (mommy works on schoolwork)

• 2pm-3pm-activity time (we go outside or play inside)

• 3pm-4pm-clean up time

• 4pm-5pm-reading time

• 5pm-6pm-dinner prep/cook

• 6pm-8pm-dinner/clean up/bathtime

• 9pm-Trent in bed/Mommy-schoolwork

• 11pm-mommy in bed

New Post

So sorry to have gone for a few days. I got caught up with some stuff off line lol. So today is going well. I'm getting my housework done and over with. Then i got to focus on Trent and homework! Nothing really new to update on but I figured I'd let people know I'm not dead lol

Valentine's Day and today

Well yesterday was ridiculously fun! Well except for the parts where I was taking 3 exams and writing papers but AFTER that it was awesome! My husband surprised me beyond belief! He's usually like most guys and forgets things like Birthdays and what not. So yesterday I totally expected him to just forget what day it was. He woke up (late) and was off to work quickly. I was not surprised. I figured he would call me while he was at work because he remembered what day it was lol. So lo and behold he calls me to tell me Happy Valentine's day and he Loved me. That was all I was expecting. BUT He came home an hour early, took me to my favorite restaurant, and while we were waiting (an hour long wait time) we were talking and then Trent comes up to me and hands me a box. My first reaction was "Where did you get this from?" then he smiles big and cheesy and says "Happy Valwentimes Day Mommy!"

So I open the box and this is what I found...
this isn't the best picture but its a silver chain with a silver heart shaped charm with a heart made out of amethysts (my favorite stone) and matching earrings! So I was surprised beyond belief. I really wasn't expecting that. :)

On another note, I did break my diet for that night. I'm back on it today. The 3 days that I was on the diet I was seeing a good steady loss so I am please. My landlord even commented on it! :) So today is back on track. I'm wearing my LOVELY necklace and earrings.

New Approach

Trying a new approach to weight loss. I have decided to go low carb. I won't specify just yet which plan I will pick because I honestly do not know BUT I will try as low carb as I can get and feel healthy.

I will also make myself get on the bike or put in a video as least 4 days a week for about 30 minutes or more *however long it takes my legs to go squishy*

I have joined the Low Carb Friends forum and have found a great deal of information (and very friendly people I might add!) This is helping me gather up the knowledge I need to do this the right way!

Wish me luck!
Starting weight 2/12/09-143.5
Goal weight-from 100-110lbs

HORRIBLE PICTURE WARNING! THIS IS ME TODAY (WITHOUT MAKE UP OR MY HAIR FIXED) AT MY STARTING WEIGHT OF 143.5
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Gooo Me!!!

I'll just go ahead and say that on Monday's I'll probably not post at all. My one day off is usually spent sleeping and being a totally lazy bum :) Now that that day is over *cry..weep* I am going to have to buckle down again.

Today is gonna be okay though. I have to do a few more cleaning tasks and go to the grocery store and that's pretty much it. BUT I have to study for midterms and start my papers. Yes you saw it right..paperS. I have four of them due. Yay! 3 midterms and 4 papers. awesomeness!

So probably won't be hearing much from me this week but whines.

Yesterday

So I was going strong yesterday..worked from 7am-3pm and was so motivated. Walked to the store and came home and bam! Energy levels were down to nil. Trent and I wound up taking a LONG nap at like 4pm (ish) and didn't wake up til almost 630pm! Ouch! So there went all my time that I was going to use to do homework and house work. So today I'm scrambling around trying to get it ALL done! My homework is first priority since its due tonight! I'm cursing myself that I've been such a slacker all week. I have a full week to get my homework done you know!

Anyways, I did manage to take some pictures that I think are adorable. Mostly Trent of course.

So here I sit today..still tired but I have to motivate myself to get things done! I will work out a schedule for this upcoming week, any suggestions? LOL I have to get on the ball or else the ball will roll over me!

Here is my smallish list:

• vacuum
• tidy in every room (about 5 minutes a piece)-Kitchen DONE, Mommy's Room DONE, Bathroom DONE
  
• laundry-DONE
• sweep kitchen-DONE

Have two discussion posts to make (Politics and Religion) a quiz in Religion and a written assignment to finish in English. All due tonight. I'm so smart!

Weekend Musings...

So I woke up with a song in my head. Not sure why. It was Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional..Totally not my normal music but I've heard it before and thought it was (as cheesy as this sounds) moving. Anyways, not really sure where I was going with this. But I had it in my head from the moment I woke up til about oooh now. :)

I have a big annoying list of to-do's that need doing today and this weekend. It's so daunting to know that a single moment of relaxing means that something else doesn't get done and it piles up.
This is my problem. I know I procrastinate very much. I need to work on this.

I won't post my list. It's HUGE. I will say that I will get it done :)

Anyways, my camera's battery died so sometime today I have to get new batteries :(

Well here they are! This is about 6:45a.m-8:00am (ish) Trent eating breakfast (oatmeal and milk,) he made his own bed (as you can tell,) and he helped get himself dressed. We're working on him getting more responsibilities.

Next round of pictures coming up! Be prepared! LOL

Our Day

I've started my new job (second work at home job) so today is my second shift. I am going to be working 7am-3pm, which isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things but still when you (and your four year old) are used to being "done" by 11am everyday its a bit of a change! So I'm not going to focus on much in the ways of housekeeping. I'll get the basics and my homework.

I'm really getting upset with myself! I totally leave my homework til the last minute and CURSE myself every weekend! Grr..really need to work on that! Motivation is hard to scrounge up when I'm so tired.

So today it is going to work like this...get as much cleaning done as I can while I work (if I can) then while Trent is napping/playing I will get the rest done and focus on my homework.

I have an idea about doing a "Day in the Life of.." with pictures. I don't know it sounds cheesy and I'm not sure my little camera could handle it LOL. Who knows. Gotta get to work though!

Progress!

Here is a cleaner room! Believe me with all the stuff Trent has this is the best it gets! Colin helped Trent clean it up and even cleaned out his closet!

Wonky Weds.

Well its gonna be a wonky day today! I am not gonna follow my usual schedule. I've got my first shift on my new job so that will be interesting. The last few days things have sort of fallen by the wayside (housecleaning wise) so that will be my goal today. I'm going to tidy whatever I see and get things back in order. Shouldn't be that hard.

So after I get things sorted out and tidied up I get to relax and watch LOST! :) I'm going to get everything I need to get done DONE and over before then!

Wish me Luck!

Here are shots of what I have to deal with today!

































There we go! Its not the WHOLE project of course but its a good start! You can sort of see what I'm dealing with! Later I will do a few pictures to show my progress!

Today is another Day

Well today is usually a chaotic day but I'm going to try and side step that. I went lax over the weekend and didn't stick the schedule and now I see what that gets me! LOL. I'll have to tidy as I go and TRY not to get back on track :) Here is what is on the agenda for Tuesday..

• laundry (1 load) DONE
  
• tidy bathroom-s&s, vacuum, mirror, etc
• kitchen tidy-counters, sweep, sink, table
• living room-vacuum, toy pick up
• bedrooms-general tidy

Now that is what will get me back into the swing of my routine. During the day (if I can) I'll try and take pictures so you see where I live :)

Got a New Cheapo Digital Camera!

It's totally not hi-tech or anything but Ta-Da! I have the ability to post new (not the highest quality) pictures! Here are a few (just playing with my new toy!)

Top Right to Bottom Left: Me! My trusty stove, My messy dining room table, and last my little Hamtaro!